So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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