Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
