You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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