I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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