PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
