apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
