just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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