Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
