you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
