Well douche your snatch and let's go!
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
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