Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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