I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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