Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
