There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
