Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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