The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
