Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
