My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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