If i come over, it means nothing
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
