I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
