Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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