here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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