Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Randomize
