im six kinds of drunk right now
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
