just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
