So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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