i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
