so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
My liver just broke up with me...
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
