she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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