This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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