i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
