You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
