Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
