My nipple is on Facebook.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
