You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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