I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
