im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
