Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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