they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
