just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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