Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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