i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
