I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
