He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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