I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
