I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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