One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
