Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
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