brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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