I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
