My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
