you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
