While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
