i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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