you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Randomize
