whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Randomize
