did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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