Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
