I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I think my fart just growled at me.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
