I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
