Soap is not a condiment
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
