its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
