walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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