I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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